It has been a fun-filled week of listening to really horrible speeches.
My students at Tsinghua University are having a speech contest this weekend. Ms. Fan asked me to help them with their speeches by giving them advice and editing grammar/usage/etc. So, I told them that they could email me their drafts and I would see what I could do. Some of them are pretty horrible. One person made the mistake of including Chinese text also, which means that he wrote the speech in Chinese and then did a direct translation with a language translator online. I actually copied his Chinese text into Google Translator and there it was! Although it is mildly disappointing that my students don’t think their English is good enough to write in English, it makes for some pretty entertaining reading! So, I decided to share a particularly funny Chinglish speech with you! I hope you love it as much as I do! I might consider framing it! Here you go. Just be warned that you may be less intelligent after you read it. 🙂
“Today, I want a different. I realize that people actually is their thinking’s accessories. I want to dominate mine thinking, I want my life is full of joy and hope. I’m reject to be a victim of the environment, and never let such as red light, long lines, traffic jams these mere inconvenience as the leading master of my emotions. I want all the negative thoughts far away, so optimistic as my partner and successfully be my symbol.
“Today, I want a different. I realize that time is the most precious thing I have. I want to full of gratitude and cherished to the upcoming 24-hours, even one minute, also as far as possible to prevent such as selfish, anxiety, boredom, lazy these harmful bacteria infection.
“Today, I want a different. I have realize that today in front of me there is only once. When tomorrow arrives, today will never be again. Therefore, I use a joy like child and courage like a giant to grasp today, treat it as the last day of my life. While it still in front of me, filled it with love and give.
“Today, I want a different. I already know that fail is not terrible，to get up is most important. I will not allow past mistakes entangled me, even my life is full of scars by fail. Never let past fail to represses me, even the failure’s shadow of my life everywhere. I can admit it, and also to amend it.
“Today, I want a different. I have realized that a man lack of love, even he has the whole world, he is still poor. Person surround by love, even without money, he is rich. I want to spend more time to appreciate the man who I love and love me. Even if I have tired, I have to chaperoning my lover, my family, even if I busy, I must find at least five minutes, with my friends, colleagues sharing even a few simple conversation, a warm hug, a look of appreciation, a gesture of gratitude.
“Today, I want a different.”
Oh, China. You are never lacking in hilarity and strangeness! I’m very glad I’m not done with you yet!
