As my first year in China comes to a close I wanted to share with you some of the ridiculousness that has become everyday life for those of us living here.  I’m sorry if most of these don’t make sense.  Many of them would not have meant anything to me before I lived here.  (Then again–the blog isn’t only for you! 😉 ) Some of them are funny by themselves, but some are funny just because they are so true!  I cannot claim the whole list as my own.

You know you’ve been in China too long when…

…you think that a $7 shirt is a rip off. (or you find yourself bargaining over 75 cents)

…you think that walking backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio (or clapping your hands) is good exercise. 

…you consider it a challenge to see if you can get on the subway before anyone gets off. (Or the elevator. Or anywhere, really.)

…you find western toilets uncomfortable. 

…you honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk. 🙂 (What? Don’t you?)

…you have no sense of traffic rules.  (I wonder how I’ll drive in the states…)

…you start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle. (Buses come to mind….)

…forks feel funny. (Hehehe)

…you can’t say a number without using the appropriate hand sign. 🙂 (I love this one because I do it and don’t think about it!)

…you stop at the top or bottom of an escalator (or stairs) to plan your day. (People also do this when exiting the subway scanning ‘booth.’)

…you have an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags!

…you think that pushing the elevator button over and over again will make it go faster. (It does. I’ve tried.)

…you prefer hot water in the summer. (winter, for sure, but not summer yet)

…you’ll only wear your good high heels to climb the mountain.  (This one is my observation.)

…a fashionable outfit includes heels with ankle-high nylons, shorts with suspenders and any version of Hello, Kitty T-shirt, a purse you can fit into, a glove on one hand, a sunbrella, and your cellphone.  (Don’t worry, I don’t dress this way.)

…all white people look the same to you. 🙂  (Never thought I would actually believe that one!)

Sometimes you laugh, sometimes you roll your eyes, and sometimes you just smile.  Still never a dull moment. 🙂

It has been a fun-filled week of listening to really horrible speeches. 

My students at Tsinghua University are having a speech contest this weekend.  Ms. Fan asked me to help them with their speeches by giving them advice and editing grammar/usage/etc.  So, I told them that they could email me their drafts and I would see what I could do.  Some of them are pretty horrible.  One person made the mistake of including Chinese text also, which means that he wrote the speech in Chinese and then did a direct translation with a language translator online.  I actually copied his Chinese text into Google Translator and there it was!  Although it is mildly disappointing that my students don’t think their English is good enough to write in English, it makes for some pretty entertaining reading!  So, I decided to share a particularly funny Chinglish speech with you!  I hope you love it as much as I do!  I might consider framing it!  Here you go.  Just be warned that you may be less intelligent after you read it. 🙂

“Today, I want a different. I realize that people actually is their thinking’s accessories. I want to dominate mine thinking, I want my life is full of joy and hope. I’m reject to be a victim of the environment, and never let such as red light, long lines, traffic jams these mere inconvenience as the leading master of my emotions. I want all the negative thoughts far away, so optimistic as my partner and successfully be my symbol.

“Today, I want a different. I realize that time is the most precious thing I have. I want to full of gratitude and cherished to the upcoming 24-hours, even one minute, also as far as possible to prevent such as selfish, anxiety, boredom, lazy these harmful bacteria infection.

“Today, I want a different. I have realize that today in front of me there is only once. When tomorrow arrives, today will never be again. Therefore, I use a joy like child and courage like a giant to grasp today, treat it as the last day of my life. While it still in front of me, filled it with love and give.

“Today, I want a different. I already know that fail is not terrible，to get up is most important. I will not allow past mistakes entangled me, even my life is full of scars by fail. Never let past fail to represses me, even the failure’s shadow of my life everywhere. I can admit it, and also to amend it.

“Today, I want a different. I have realized that a man lack of love, even he has the whole world, he is still poor. Person surround by love, even without money, he is rich. I want to spend more time to appreciate the man who I love and love me. Even if I have tired, I have to chaperoning my lover, my family, even if I busy, I must find at least five minutes, with my friends, colleagues sharing even a few simple conversation, a warm hug, a look of appreciation, a gesture of gratitude.

“Today, I want a different.”

Oh, China.  You are never lacking in hilarity and strangeness!  I’m very glad I’m not done with you yet!

First of all, bike traffic continues to annoy me a bit.  Apparently the rule is this:  The bigger and faster a vehicle is, the more responsibility it has to stop for the smaller/slower vehicles.  So, really, the dump trucks who fly down the road when there isn’t much traffic have the responsibility to stop for the (stupid) biker who decides (for some crazy reason) to bike in front of him.  This seems backwards to me.  But, I have decided that I may never understand ‘common sense’ in China. 

My students are getting summer fever.  (kind of like spring fever but at a different time of year.)  🙂  One day a couple of weeks ago, they said they didn’t want to do what we were doing in class and that I should make class more interesting.  So, I asked them what they would like to learn in class instead.  (I should probably back up and tell you that Ms. Fan gives me a book to use for class but tells me that I should do something else in addition to the book for class so that they don’t get bored with the book.  The students tell me they hate the book–Ms. Fan tells me that the students tell her that I should do more book–Amber is stuck with what she should do for class.)  One issue with this class is that I kind of have to cater to the students because if they don’t like the product (the classes/material/teacher/etc.) the company will take the business elsewhere. 

I told the students my dilemma (followed by giggles) and they said, ‘do half book, half something else!’  Me: ‘I do that EVERY SINGLE class period.’  Them: ‘We could watch movies…’  Me: ‘We tried that. Remember movie class? You complained.’  Them: ‘No. Have us watch a movie outside of class and then we could discuss it in class.’  Me: ‘You don’t even do the simple homework that I give you.’  Them: ‘You could show us a flash.’ Me: ‘A what?’ Them: ‘A flash.’ Me: ‘What?’ Them: ‘A FLASH!’  (Apparently, repeating the word over and over and saying it louder will make the meaning more clear.)  They meant that I should show them a short animated video in class and then discuss it.  And that was the end of that ‘discussion.’  I came to the conclusion that they are just tired of class and don’t really want to learn anything.  I thought about this all weekend and tried to come up with something that might interest them.  I brought in American money and we talked about that for a while, I also brought in a Pixar short film and planned to have them write the words for it.  You know how most of the Pixar shorts don’t have talking? Well, I thought it might be a good exercise for them.  We watched the film. They didn’t write.  I said we would watch it again and while they were watching it, they were to write the conversation.  Still didn’t write.  They laughed.  They didn’t write. AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!  During the second class I had a completely unexpected response.  The students still didn’t write but they did spend 15 minutes (yes, 15) talking about the deeper meaning behind the video. I tried to explain to them that it was just for fun. Only funny.  Oh, No!  They thought it was about teamwork and getting along, etc., etc.  Hmmm….  I still don’t know what they want.  I don’t think I ever will. 

Ms. Fan also told me that I need to spend some time having the students practice their speeches for the speech contest.  Roger that.  Today, I brought a handout that included some tips for writing and delivering good speeches.  Then I told them that we would practice our speeches with someone else in the room.  (Lesson #972: Don’t assume that because the head teacher says the students will have the speeches finished that they actually will.)  🙂  It has been a frustrating couple of weeks at Tsinghua U.  Thankfully, students are still the same outside of the class.  Many still come to B study and bring others as well.  Even last night in a downpour, one of my students–who didn’t know where he was going–came to B study soaked.  He brought another student from the class.  I barely have to try to invite people.  They do it for me.  So, in that sense, I suppose I should say, 今天我喜欢中国。(Today I like China.)  🙂  I’ll leave you with a few pictures from my day at the Botanical Gardens with an American visitor and my Chinese B study friend, Tracy.

In the rose garden...

🙂 Beautiful Flowers

There were many bees hovering around the flowers! Some of them posed for my pictures!

It was beautiful there even though the storm from the night before had ruined some of the flowers.

I really liked this flower. I don't know what it is though.

Lots of beautiful places like this one...all roped off so that you couldn't walk through them! Ah, China!

This was actually the bee that posed for my picture. I crouched down, he landed, I took the shot, he flew away. It's like he knew...

Since red is my favorite color...

I may or may not love bees as much as I love pandas! 🙂 But, if they start to fly away, so do I!

Yesterday was Children's Day in China. This means that the Children don't have school and that every tourist place is packed with people! This family was all wearing the same color. Too bad the black and white version was better picture. You'll just have to use your imagination.

These two were part of a much larger game of something that resembled duck, duck, goose. But, as soon as they noticed that two foreigners were watching them, the whole group of people got up and left. 🙂 Probably because I was taking pictures.